It's true, that's why it's funny

I saw a really cute baby at Woodstar yesterday and I wanted to steal it so I thought of you

"Chapin is a breading ground for excellence"

A:"She always ignores me"

B:"WHAT A JERK!"

C:"Who are you talking about?"

B:"I have no idea"

C:"Well, that's true friendship"

more Biden love

"...and all of our children will be named Robinette!"

"Chapin is a House, where sometimes people are able to sleep"

Grammatical Fetishes

"They are comma happy"

I hear a man's voice. Which, you know, is always confusing at Smith

"WHY CAN'T YOU BE A REAL PERSON!"

"I could shower, but then I would be wet"

come on, show a little ankle!

get up, get off, get up off your high horse

Even our sleep schedules are family-ized!

Weekend, is that you?

"ohh, I LOVE bread...AND SAM SEABORNE!"

"Oh my God, I LOVE balsamic vinegar!"

"maybe as a peace offering of my friendship I will buy him rogain"

"Don't forget your hashtags!"

A: "What shape would you say 0 to pi on the sinx graph is? I keep wanting to call it a bumpity bump"

B: "A what?"

A: "It doesn't matter"

B: "Oh, it's a Mountain"

A: "That's not a shape either"

B: "Crescent Moon"

C: "Shutup"

"How many years are in a decade?'

"10"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, positive"

"What do they call John McCain?"

"What?"

"John McCain, what's that word that they call him?"

"A maverick..."

"Ice ears....wow, that squirrel has Coronas"

"Corona? Really? The squirrel has beer?"

"Whatever, leave me alone"

I looooooooove crosstabs!

looser

heyyyy

You are NOT allowed to cry at Woodstar!

"Be cool Aniania*, Be cool"

"See I told you told you you couldn't be cool"

*names chanced to protect the innocent (or not so innocent)

Watch out, baby fever is VERY contagious!

it's just water

YOU'RE THE OPPOSITE OF A CAMEL TOO!

eww there were people having sex in the shower

yuck, boys, yuck

it makes me feel better that that was only 20 minutes ago

You could always just marry well

I'm whatever the opposite of a camel is

CRACKCRACKCRAZYTRAIN

Watergate

"Don't blame me – I'm from Massachusetts"

No, mummy NO! Come back Mummy, come back please! Noooooo whered you goooo mummmyyyyyy!

and...back to mettablogging

I will! And me neither, and I resurrected the blog! I have to get creative though, it's going to mostly involve me talking to myself or yelling at my computer...possibly some gchat convos"

Biden Love

"Hey! I know that baldspot! I would know it anywhere!!"

"NO, I was your mother before you were her girlfriend!"

"...If I had a nickel for every time I heard that."

"I bet there are a bunch of kids in trailer parks named 'Tyranny'"

"Do you want some help getting blood to your head?"

"And his sister is Jemima Khan."

"Ahh, now I want some pancakes."

"A Roy Rogers is like a Shirley Temple, but for boys."

"So, does it just have gin?"

"NO, FOR BOYS, FOR CHILDREN!"

"Oh, shit, the Senate votes for Wall Street...AND there's a dead seagull."

"I don't know what just happened to you"

"I was telling her that moving to Chicago is like when I moved to the Quad."

I wish you guys could live in my head, it's a strange place

"Yeah, apparently Rock Hudson had a premature ejaculation problem, which is SO SAD."

"you can have three minutes"

"ok, do you want me to take this off?"

hooooow much more productive would I be if I put on those sunglasses over there?

What are you doing?

I'm blowing lime-scented bubbles over the fart!

"Why is there whipped cream on a hot dog?"

"I don't want to get my baked goods from a weird robot bakery."

"...Where all the robots are porn stars."

"Oh, my button just came undone."

"I did that with my eyes."

p to the lug-it-in!

"I had a taxi driver propose to me because I had blond hair...I said no thanks."

on eating an avocado roll

"Ohmygod it's like eating butter and vegetable at the same time"

"Do you really want to have five children?"

"Yeah, five is my favorite number."

"The Mary Kay lady keeps calling me. All the time."

"I haven't even had caffeine in SO LONG."

i will zcc: her --she will be my last one.

"that can go on the blog if you want."

". . . i'm too tired"

". . . that can go on the blog too."

"Connie, you know the saddest thing about your not growing up in this country is that you didn't have Nick at Nite."

"No, but I had the chalkboard girl. Wait, I can demonstrate!"

"LOOK! I can dance like a windscreen wiper!"

"I didn't know Slice was a real person until after Thanksgiving...I thought you guys just made her up."

"This is just like yesterday, when I didn't do work because I was busy looking for a husband for Connie."

mosquitoes

"it's their end-of-the-year banquet--Tara in a boat!"

"So I was reading in People about Jersey Shore vs. Dancing with the Stars..."

"Um, do you want to write one of my finals?"

"No, I want to write mine, but I'm distracted by...tanning."

two wrongs?

if he said it and i said it then it's right!!

"Whoa. My safety just almost caused me my death. Which makes her not very safe."

"I would like you all to know that if you put 'capitalism and..." into Google, the third option is "...Jews."

"There should be a video section on the blog!"

"Bill and Ben the flowerpot men, they were made of flowerpots."

"that sounds like a euphemism for making gay babies"

"it was like my water broke"

"ohh . . . i want a baby!"

"she's used to me having my eyes closed in ecstasy!"

Complicated

We are like a freaking Jerry Springer episode just in this room

dont mess with us.

one step closer to everyone thinking she has genital herpes.

STAR WARS isn't her thing?

"I just don't understand missiles!"

"it seems too colorful for latin. it's the dead language, it should be in gray scale!"

"I think that's bad for your eyes."

"I think that's bad for your psyche."

it's like "got milk?" --"got family?!" No, I don't got milk!

mom and momma

that's the beauty of having two moms--you know you weren't an accident

"Can you please not wear embryos to Senior Banquet?"

This is what happens when you mix Gchat and regular conversations...

"You're so smart! You took the words right out of my fingertips!"

Because he's related to Mercedes Benz

Ernest Benz--
Why does he sound like a very serious car?

Afghanistan

STATUS UPDATE: you are still being oppressed

"I don't think I should post that, because I said it."

"That's never really been our standard."

"Nope, not the stick by which we measure...I mean the bar...I think...no, the stick. Like a yardstick!"

"Anyone want some more fudge?"

"Yes, but I only want the fudgey bits."

"What about your dongle?"

"My dongle is limp and useless."

"Your hair looks a little cracked out."

"I played with it."

"It didn't play back."

too many sex jokes

can we do something with honey...no no no that's not what I meant, I didn't mean now I ment at Cape Cod

I love jesuits, too.

THE NORTH POLE IS IN FINLAND!

oh wait, that's north

FATHER CHRISTMAS IS IN LAPLAND

"maybe i could have birthday sex"

"yeah, the MCAT could fuck you over for your birthday"

Where is she?

I made her out of clay.

Annnnnnnnnnd we're back

"Who wrote it?"

"The tooth fairy"

On trail mix

I only wanted the nuts, it's the morning!

That's what she said